I generally speaking do not proclaim my personal sexuality straight away upon fulfilling new people, but I’m sure it is going to probably show up sooner or later when we become friends. It’s my job to just declare that I have a girlfriend and leave it at that, but that leads some individuals to
think i am a lesbian
, which bothers the hell of myself because we never ever mentioned I became and I’d never ever pick that label for myself personally.

1. 
   I got romantic feelings for folks who aren’t ladies.
   
   While we currently merely find ladies appealing and only would you like to date ladies, I
   discovered males appealing before
   . Was we sexually drawn to them? Not on many days, but passionate and intimate feelings you should not constantly go hand-in-hand. Throughout my personal childhood, I broken on numerous girls and boys, but after matchmaking some men and doing some soul searching, there is
   I prefer females
   . That still doesn’t eliminate my personal past, and sexuality can be fluid. Possibly I’m not keen on males today, but i may subordinate circumstances or i would not. I recently don’t want to get tied up straight down from the specifics of a “lesbian” mark.
2. 
   Not all the women that have actually relationships/sex together with other women can be lesbians.
   
   While I do not like becoming called a lesbian, I
   
   am
   
   pretty entirely into females. Many women can ben’t.
   Some women are bisexual
   —surprise!—or pansexual or simply do not love gender after all. Making use of the term “lesbian” to explain any lady who’s currently with an other woman is often incorrect. When an expression is commonly completely wrong most of the time, I do not choose utilize it.
3. 
   I am not from Island of Lesbos
   
   . For folks who don’t know, you will find a real place in Greece called the isle of Lesbos and other people really reside here. “Lesbian” makes reference to men and women or things from that area. The word “lesbian” as a way to reference homosexual ladies merely came to exist as a result of Sappho, just who notoriously had written really love poetry about women. (part note: she in addition blogged poetry about loving guys too, and yet she actually is a perfect image to be a “lesbian.” Bisexual erasure a lot?) anyhow, people from the isle of Lesbos don’t like people
   phoning homosexual females “lesbians
   .” There’s some homophobia their campaigning against the phase, nevertheless still have to confess its pretty dumb to refer to all gay women as “from this option Greek Island.” Additionally there are a lot more homosexual ladies than people who inhabit Lesbos, making this particularly vexing to me.
4. 
   Gay and queer tend to be fun words.
   
   I actually do love saying your message “queer” and explaining myself as “gay AF.” Queer can be a case of reclaiming a phrase from homophobes, which will be usually awesome. It literally means somethingis just only a little uncommon, that is excellent for myself, and homosexual just indicates delighted. Precisely why won’t I want to be homosexual? We must be thus lucky. Basically need certainly to choose a label, i will claim that
   I’m gay
   . Regard the happy.
5. 
   I do not fit the lesbian stereotype.
   
   We think about myself personally an integral part of the LGBTQ+ area, and neat thing towards community is the fact that everyone else from every walk of existence should be welcome assuming that they are acknowledging. However when i do believe of being a “lesbian,” I believe like there is this mythical society ones that I don’t quite match. Countless it is pretty old school, but right now there is a large number of expected “must haves” for lesbians, as you need to be aggressive, put on flannel, and listen to Tegan and Sara. I actually do none of the situations. Since “lesbian” as a phrase looks very stereotyping in extent, I feel like if I utilize it, I have to
   adapt to stereotypes
   … and I also cannot.
6. 
   I am not femme or butch.
   
   Along side not conforming to lesbian stereotypes, I also never feel just like we end up in a category. Lots of people whom identify as lesbians consider by themselves as “butch” or “femme.” In person, I believe this defeats the point. I am not homosexual therefore I can emulate a heterosexual couple but to every their very own. Whatever the case, I am not truly overly masculine or extremely elegant. I love to wear gowns, but I
   hardly ever wear makeup
   or jewelry. My hair is lengthy but often I like to put on men’s clothing. We defy these groups, which feels like defying being a lesbian generally.
7. 
   My sexuality does not establish me personally.
   
   My personal primary meat with all the term “lesbian” is when you determine as you, you need to say “i am
   
   a
   
   lesbian.” If you say you are gay, you can easily state “I’m gay.” Linguistics are very important if you ask me because language reflects personal prices. When people utilize the phrase “gay,” it really is a descriptor. When anyone use the term “lesbian,” it really is an identifier. Getting homosexual falls under my identity, but it’s hardly all I am. It’s simply one aspect, therefore never boil me down to merely “a lesbian.”
8. 
   I don’t need to omit non-binary or asexual men and women.
   
   Being a lesbian appears to have a stiff description: a lady who’s intimately keen on other ladies. But what if you are a woman with someone who’s non-binary? They’re not a lady, whether or not they aren’t men, so that the term “lesbian” feels inaccurate. And
   in case you are asexual, you continue to may have intimate thoughts
   , and perhaps you have intimate feelings for another woman. Can a “lesbian” not sexually attracted to females? No matter to me when someone’s ace, non-binary, trans, or what they identify since, but with the term “lesbian” to spell it out myself personally is like then i need to omit individuals who don’t possess a “conventional” sex or gender.
9. 
   I’m not porn.
   
   Lesbian is really one common search term in porn.
   You do not notice folks talking about “gay porn” that relates to females having sexual intercourse. It is because “gay porn” aims at gay guys and features guys sex with one another. But “lesbian porno,” featuring females making love with one another, is aimed at right guys. Because I’m sure this, personally i think fetishized each time I’m labeled as a lesbian, even when which is not the purpose. I simply cannot divorce the fetishization of queer ladies through the term. In addition it reminds me of types of bad things in community as well as how often homosexual everyone is fetishized, very please don’t know me as a lesbian.